unspoken word

I know  its not terribly 
 romantic To say this but

you’re the closed door

that I can handle

we’re the fucked up
I understand

you’re the one who keeps saying  no
while i keep hearing yes
You’re the morning after

That comes attached with

Breakfast and sex

You’re well intended

After-words

You’re dreams that I sometimes have

But don’t bother interpreting

You’re a particular coded kind of

Flirting

You’re a number I keep deleting

But  remember

You’re the phone call
I can’t help but pick up

You’re the book that I’ve read

That I keep re-reading

You’re the film I’ve
seen so many times

I can start at the middle 

You’re best avoided

and yet You’re this idea

I’m constantly toying with

You’re a distraction
 I’m better off Without

Like that woozy feeling

Of having drank too much

I’ve overdosed on obsessing over you

You’ve wasted my tme

i’ve complicated yours

You make me more

Hopeless than romantic

but what it comes down to is this
we’re the kind of fucked up
i understand.

We were outside smoking

Winter hours made four pm feel like midnight

The countryside sky free of air and light pollution

Had so many stars our city eyes were

Nearly blinded

I exhaled wearily and said

I was heartbroken

He, my friend, cast me a withering look

Said “stop wasting your time with men

You’re far too clever”

He’s a sometimes feminist

part time misogynist

I suppose he thinks

It accentuates his swagger

My newfound interest in men has

Placed me lower in status

He maintains that I should know

Better and women are far more complex

Allegedly. All I know is

men drive me distracted

(the men I’m drawn to make me crazy)

most women I’m drawn to are crazy

(so which side of clinical insanity would I like to be

I mean, where does that leave me? )

I shook my head, locked eyes with him and said

Listen, seriously man, I’m heart broken

And the stars laughed

And the night grew darker still

He stubbed out his cigarette

And walked back in

With not so much as a word in my direction

I think he preferred it

When I was lesbian